Suggestaholic!

I recently signed a two-year contract extension with Verizon Wireless, and was given the opportunity to choose a shiny new phone “free of charge,” in exchange for my promise to send them a wheelbarrow full of cash for 24 months in a row.

I went with the LG enV, and so far I like it.  The lacquer-like finish on the thing collects fingerprints and ear grease, which kinda bothers me.  But overall, I’m pleased with my choice.  It opens sideways, and reveals a laptop computer-like situation that’s proven to be more convenient than anticipated.

But with fancy-ass new gadgets, usually comes an attempt to up-sell you fancy-ass new optional services.  Like, for instance, turning your phone into a GPS device.

Even though I have almost no use for such a thing (I already know how to get to Wendy’s), I’ve toyed with the idea of buying a navigation system.  It’s a sickness, this lust for fresh electronics…  Will somebody please hold me?

So, when Verizon began providing me information about their VZ Navigator service, I was intrigued.  It costs $9.99 per month or, if you only need it occasionally, $2.99 for 24 hours.  I had to give it a try, and decided to go the ala carte route on a recent day-trip to New York City.

We’d been there several times before, and pretty much knew where we were going.  But it gets kinda hairy at the end, and we always end up clinging to our MapQuest directions with a sweaty death-grip, until we’re actually landed.

So, we weren’t going into it completely blind, but, at the same time, could use a little help.  A perfect formula for a VZ Navigator test-run.

My wife plugged in the address of the park ‘n’ ride where we like to leave our car, before we’d backed out of the driveway.  And about ten seconds after she initiated it, the service had its bearings and a female voice was telling us how to drive through our town.

Immediately I noticed our new electro-friend was using actual street names.  “Take the next left, at State Avenue,” etc.  I know some of the lower-priced Garmins and Tom Toms don’t offer that feature, they only tell you to take the next left “in 50 yards.”  So, the Verizon service was already impressing us.

Also, while we were on the interstate, the woman would occasionally warn us of traffic congestion ahead.  She always made it sound much worse than it actually was, but it’s another feature you’re not going to get on an entry-level model.

The service worked almost flawlessly.  We even negotiated the confusing part near the end, with ease.  She told us to stay in the left lane during a certain part of it, and that made all the difference.  Pretty cool.  It was like having our own super-informed, non-judgmental traffic steward with us.

There are a few minor complaints, though, with an emphasis on minor. 

Our friend usually warned us of upcoming turns, only about a half-mile in advance.  I would prefer a mile.  When moving along at 80 mph, or so, you sometimes need a little extra time.  Especially when an exit turns out to be on the left, and you need to cut-off several tractor trailers not to miss it.

Also, the volume is a little low.  On the interstate, with all the road noise and whatnot, you basically have to hold the phone up to your head like you’re making a call.  Not a big deal if you’ve got a passenger with you, but it might become an issue when traveling alone.  Perhaps a set of earbuds would take care of it?

I’m sure the maps are ridiculously small on the cell phone screen as well, but who uses the maps?  I don’t.  I do much better with verbal commands, like a trained spaniel.

And this might just be paranoia, but it seemed like our new friend would get irritated with me whenever I veered off her prescribed course.  We stopped for a pee-break once, and I thought I could sense a slight edge to her voice.: recalculating!  Man, I work hard, and don’t need a bunch of gadgitude at the end of the week.  I told her she could kiss my ass.

OK, I’m only joking about the last item.  But I would like the option of changing voices on that thing.  I might want to mix it up, and go with a British accent next time, or a Southern belle, or a breathtakingly profane inner-city street criminal.  I think I’ll send Verizon a letter about it.

Overall, however, I was fairly blown away by VZ Navigator.  It’s a full-service navigation system, for a relatively small amount of money.  For a person like me, who might only need such a thing five times per year, it’s close to perfect.

Supposedly a person can even use Navigator to locate ATMs, restaurants (by cuisine!), gas stations (with current prices!!), etc.  But I didn’t do any of that stuff, I only used it to go to New York.

And it surpassed all expectations.

 I took a fiction writing class when I lived in California, and the teacher was a big fan of Dean Koontz. At the time I didn’t know much about Koontz, but I had opinions about him. Snobby, snobby opinions.
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I mean, he was always on the best seller lists, his books were mass market paperbacks, and every yahoo at the beach was reading him. He had to suck, right? Well, of course he did.
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But our instructor told us Koontz should be an inspiration to us all. He told us the man wasn’t blessed with great natural abilities, but learned the craft through determination and hard work, and is now one of the best in the business.
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He’s the Pete Rose of novelists!
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At first his speech didn’t cause me to be more interested in the writer, it worked the other way around. I thought the instructor must be cursed with really bad taste, and didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. I didn’t think better of Koontz, I thought worse of the teacher.
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But as the weeks passed, I saw that our instructor was no hack; he knew his stuff. He had strong opinions about fiction writing, and they seemed sound to me. I wrote detailed notes during each class, trying to bottle his knowledge for later use.
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And I went out and bought a Dean Koontz book. I believe the first one was Lightning, and I liked it very much. It wasn’t a horror story, as I’d expected, but more of a suspense novel. It was, as they say, a page-turner, and the characters and dialogue seemed especially real.
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So I bought another one, and enjoyed it as well. I realized Koontz wasn’t trying to create High Art; I’m almost certain he wasn’t competing with Cormac McCarthy or Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I believe he was simply trying to tell exciting stories, and succeeding, big-time.
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And what’s wrong with that?
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Since taking that class I’ve probably scarfed down a baker’s dozen Dean Koontz novels. And they’ve all been expertly crafted, filled with characters that live and breathe, and a blast to read.
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Hey, my snobbery is usually right on target, but occasionally the calibration is slightly off. You can file a lawsuit if you’d like.
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Buy Midnight.
Buy Odd Thomas.
Buy Sole Survivor.

 While driving to work yesterday, I started thinking about Beatles solo albums and which was my favorite from each band member.
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I was trying to resist thinking like a music critic (which I am not), and just determine my favorite records from John, Paul, George, and Ringo. That is to say, which ones I listen to most often, not necessarily the ones critics say we should be playing… Live albums and best-of collections don’t count, because that’s cheating.
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Here’s what I came up with:
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John  An easy choice… John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band is one of my favorite albums by any artist. It’s filled with great songs stripped-down to their essentials, a little bad attitude, and some screaming. It was John’s first post-Beatles album, and it sounds nothing like the Beatles. A classic.
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I also like the pure pop stuff he was doing at the time of his death, but had a hard time with all the Yoko caterwauling in-between. Ya know?
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Paul  I enjoy a lot of his albums, most notably Band on the Run and Venus and Mars. But the one I listen to most often might surprise some people: London Town.
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There’s not a bad song on it, and the album has an energy and aura I love. Some of the tunes are completely goofy, but they’re supposed to be. Everything attempted works, and I think the record is significantly underrated.
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The CD has two bonus tracks, “Girls School,” and “Mull of Kintyre,” which make it even better. London Town is pure comfort food for me.
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George  This one’s difficult, because of my ban on best-of collections. George wrote and performed some great songs, but almost all of his albums are uneven.
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I have a nostalgic fondness for George Harrison, probably because it came out during a happy time of my life. All Things Must Pass is considered his masterpiece, and I like it. But there’s a lot of strange shit on there, and not necessarily strange in a good way. Cloud Nine is solid, and was a big hit, but it sounds too much like ELO.
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Since I have to pick just one, I’ll go with George Harrison. But one of the compilations would probably be a better choice. You know, if there weren’t so many strict rules around here.
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Ringo  Another slam-dunk. As far as I know, Ringo only released one really good solo album, and it was called Ringo. He had all the other ex-Beatles helping out on it, and a bunch of interesting songs to work with. Including “I’m the Greatest,” written by John Lennon.
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I recently listened to it for the first time in years, and was surprised how much I liked it. But, to be honest, it’ll probably be 2015 before I break it out again…
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So there you go. What are your opinions on this subject? If you were to pick just one studio album by each Beatle, what would they be? Use our comments link below.